The day I'm not coping

Thursday, 8 July 2010

I slept for 3 hours on Wed, went to work. Came back home. I’m sleepy. I’m tired. I can hardly keep my eyes open. But two kids need me. JL was more understanding of my circumstance. Well… she’s older. JH has no sympathy whatsoever on my energy level.

I told JL, “I’m really really sleepy, but I can’t sleep because of JH” JL offered her help. “Go, lie down, mum. Go to sleep. I’ll look after JH.”

I’m so grateful for this child. But despite her offer, JH just wouldn’t let me lie down. He climbed on top of me, kicking me, hitting me, did whatever that he can to prevent me from sleeping.

So today I wasn’t coping at all. Already tired and so run down as I am, having to cope with JH is just too much. I mean when this little man CONSTANTLY hurt you (unintentionally of course) while I was trying to lie down and nap, how to cope with the pain, it’s just non-stop, from pulling hair, stepping all over you, hitting your face, pinching your nipples, the torture just went on and on. It’s just one after another. Not to mention, when he decided to eat his sister’s art and craft glue, grabbing onto everything he can grab and spill it everywhere on the floor, climbing onto things and dropping things, torturing his sister, going to the bathroom and pouring shampoo (not sure if he poured some into his mouth), transferring all the stuff from one place to another. On top of that the constant crying that is very deafening.

To a point when I was cooking and JH tipped the oats everywhere on the floor and rolled around on it. I just SCREAAAMEEEDDDD. Not screaming at him or his sister, but I just NEEDED to scream, to release my stress and frustration. I screamed so loud that he was scared and went to his jie, looking for some comfort. JL was crying seeing me going like a mad woman, but being a jie-jie, she felt that it’s her responsibility to comfort her di-di. So while she was still crying herself, she put on a brave face and guided her bro to the living room, away from me (in the kitchen, cooking) while cuddling JH and stroking his head.

Afterwards, I just broke down and cried. I mean what else can I do. Two kids, very different in characters. Most of the time, the gal is just sweet, pleasant, understanding. On the other hand, most of the time, the boy is super annoying, super glued to me, super demanding, and such a sook. Although he is a lot better when I can devote my time for him and sit down and play with him (read: when I’m not sleepy and not tired, ie. If only I can afford not to work… I really envy those stay at home mums) When those mums complained about how tough their lives are and not coping with their kids, I feel like swapping position.