I don't deserve JL

I heard a soft crying noise.... coming from JL's room. So I went to her room and sure enough, there she was, crying quietly.

I asked her, "What's wrong?"

She was still sobbing and shaking and trying to answer my question, "I made something for you at school, but you called it rubbish. Everything that I made, you said it's rubbish"

I felt 100 knives stabbed me at that point.

Yes, everytime I picked her up from kinder, she always had her bag full of her art and craft thingy that she made at school, then her both hands are always full of the stuff she made. Sometimes because she hasn't got any more hand to hold her stuff, she used her teeth to bite and carry the painting or whatever. And I would always say, Why do you always bring so much rubbish home??? because once we get home, those stuff go into my recycle bin and half of my recycle bin was her stuff *sigh*

But I don't know she took it to heart. To me, it is rubbish. But to her, it's something that she devoted her time and concentration and heart into.

I apologised to her. I said I'm so sorry and I started crying

Seeing me crying made her crying even louder.... so loud that Damien came to the room and asked, "What happened?"

I said, "Nothing"

Then he asked JL, "What happened?"

JL said, "I made mummy cry... it's not mummy who made me cry, it's me who made mummy cry"

Hearing that made me sobbing even more.

Anyway, we hugged and let out our cries for at least half an hour or so.

....

I hope she forgives me. she said she did. but how wounded her heart is... I have no way of telling.

Oh, God, You've got to help me to control this mouth of mine... especially when I'm sleepy or tired, I tend to lose control of what's coming out of this foul mouth. You gave me such a good daughter. Help me to be a good mother to her too. Her heart is too kind and too soft. What did she do to deserve such a harsh and bad mother? Poor JL... I love you, JL... always do and always will.